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The Big Freeze

Posted on December 3rd, 2010 by annakjarzab

Newsflash: I’m old. In a month and a half, I turn 27. Today I threw my back out at work and had to lay down on the floor in order to feel some semblance of comfort for a limited period of time before I had to suck it up and go back to my torturous death chair so that I could actually work for a while. My coworker Adrian passed by my office and was like, “Um…should I call someone?” Oh, no, I’m just down here counting the ceiling tiles, I’ll be fine. Look, a bulb in my overhead light is out! Good thing I came down here to check out the view.

Ugh. Whoever said thirty was the new twenty and forty was the new thirty and whatever else they’re saying to sell fashion magazines in these Days When Print Is Dead obviously never factored GENETICS into the equation. We don’t just get to wake up and say, “Forty is the new thirty!” because evolution will laugh in our face and then tell us that forty is the new thirty-eight, we’ve still got 500,000 years to go before it’s the new thirty-six, so shut up and go try on those mom jeans. Actually, just kidding, my mom wears nice jeans, and she looks about ten years younger than she really is. Speaking of genetics, I hope that happens to me, too.

That doesn’t fix my stupid back. Neither did the Advil I took, or the Subway sandwich I had for lunch, although truthfully only one of those was supposed to get rid of some of the pain–the other one was just delicious.

If you thought I was going to have a point, I don’t! This is just one of those navel-gazey posts all successful bloggers tell you not to write in their Blogging 101 seminars. “Blogging 101 seminars.” That’s the kind of stuff our descendants are going to look back on when our universe is dying a slow, agonizing heat death (sorry, I’m reading theoretical physics again) and think, “Maybe if we’d spent a little less time on that we’d have figured out how to save our species, but oh well.” See also: Craigslist Missed Connections, World of Warcraft, and the Palin family. And: jeggings.

1 Response to “The Big Freeze”

Shannel on December 4th, 2010 at 3:02 am Said:

Blogging 101 seminars can suck it, this quote made my day, “We don’t just get to wake up and say, Forty is the new thirty!’ because evolution will laugh in our face and then tell us that forty is the new thirty-eight, we’ve still got 500,000 years to go before it’s the new thirty-six, so shut up and go try on those mom jeans.”

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