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  • I read a lot, and I have a lot of opinions, so I can't believe I haven't made a list like this before. If you are even a little bit like me or you want to get a peek into my psyche (you probs don't), these are the books to read.
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Archive for May, 2011

Make It or Break It: “Dog Eat Dog”

Posted on May 17th, 2011 by annakjarzab

Hello everybody, and welcome to this week’s Make It or Break It recap.

Previously: Max told Payson he liked her, but then Lauren kissed him and he KISSED HER BACK THAT JERK! So I’m glad that Pay-Pay gave him the what’s-what about having to focus on her gymnastics and not get involved with anybody. Oh, and that’s it. Well, that’s enough.

Max and Payson are jogging (“yogging? I think it’s a soft ‘j'”) in some sort of wilderness and bantering. I won’t lie, it’s cute. A stray dog (?? okay…) comes up to them and they coo over him. The dog takes off and they chase her, but we don’t get to see where that leads, because we’re back at the Rock as Kim jumps out of her Saturn (or whatever, I don’t know cars) and sees that the Kelly Parker tour bus (not a euphemism) has pulled up. She approaches Kathy Najimy, who is Kelly Parker’s manager (and, spoiler, her mom) and is overseeing the hoisting of a Kelly Parker: World Champion banner over the door to the Rock. Kim puts the smack down on Mrs. Parker’s (actually, she’s got a different last name, but it’s hard to spell) renovations, and Sasha pulls up on his motorcycle. Sasha permits the banner, which makes Kim insane, but it looks like Sasha’s got something up his sleeve.

Our new golden couple (Max and Payson, I don’t fault you for not knowing who I’m talking about) chats about what they’re going to do with their new child puppy. Inside the Rock, Kelly is practicing while Kaylie and Lauren observe and bitch. Well, Lauren bitches and Kaylie pretends she doesn’t care. Lauren pretends she doesn’t mind Kelly’s crack about Carter, citing her new “official” status with Max (imagined) as the reason. Kaylie looks dubious, especially when Payson and Max walk in arm in arm, still chatting about that dog. Max loves that dog.

Sasha is going to have a mini-meet where Kaylie, Tessa and some extra compete for the last remaining spot on the World team. How this is even remotely legal, I have no idea. Apparently now that Sasha is Worlds coach he can do whatever the hell he pleases. The girls give Kaylie a pep talk as Kelly Parker gets a rather less supportive pep talk from her momager, who warns her that Sasha isn’t going to be impartial and Kelly’s already at a disadvantage because Kaylie beat her at Nationals, and you almost feel bad for Kelly. But then she decides to do some mental warfare on Kaylie and all that sympathy dissipates immediately.

Lauren gives Max the third degree about Payson; he insists they’re “just friends” and he’s “not sure” about what he and Lauren are. Max is sort of gross, still. Show, I want to get on board but you make it so hard! Kelly works on psyching Kaylie out and it looks like it’s working. Austin encourages Kaylie to shake it off and offers to help her practice, but she blows him off. Poor Austin. He tries so hard, unlike Max. Payson has fallen hard…for the dog. Lauren asks Payson if she thinks her largely absentee father is cheating on her mother, which is so weird it defies comprehension.

Erm, strip club? Oh, right, Chloe. She runs into Payson’s father, Mark. Awwwwkward. Next scene is Mark coming home to his family. Turns out Mark lost his job because his company went under. He’s interviewing, and “they wanted to finish the meeting” at the strip club, which he tells Kim straight out. He also tells Kim that Chloe is working at the strip club. Back at the Rock, Austin asks Sasha for his permission to work with Kaylie after hours. Austin mentions that he knows about Kaylie’s eating disorder and he has experience coaching someone (his sister) through one, so Sasha agrees to let Austin help her practice.

Payson sneaks out of her house to see Max, who’s brought the puppy. He had her groomed (she’s wearing an adorable little bow) and named her Phoebe. Okay, that’s cute. Max, I don’t know how to feel about you. The next day at the Rock, Kaylie and Austin argue about her training. She’s “tired of being treated like the tragic sick girl” and meanly brings up his sister AGAIN. Okay, Kaylie. Below the belt. Kelly, of course, swoops in and tries to go toe to toe with Austin, but he brushes her away like a fly–not before calling Tessa her “bootlicker”, though! Which is awesome. Lauren browbeats Steve about not setting a wedding date yet. Chloe comes into the Rock and Lauren and Steve argue about it. It turns out that she’s there to settle Emily’s Rock dues. Summer tells Chloe she’s not a bad mother and points out that Emily could give the baby up for adoption. Poor Chloe. She’s obviously devastated, but she does a super classy thing and wishes Summer and Steve tons of luck in their marriage.

Payson and Max narrowly avoid Lauren and head off to care for their puppy. Kaylie apologizes to Austin, and he points out to Kaylie that she doesn’t have to be strong on all the apparatuses in the mini-meet, just the vault, since that’s the void Emily left behind. It’s Kaylie’s weakest event, but Austin says he’s going to help her make it her strongest. Payson and Max are putting up signs in the park with Phoebe’s picture on them. Payson mentions that they’re just friends, and Max says–I kid you not–“Well some friends do come with benefits,” to which Payson deftly responds, “What, like a health plan?” He says he wants to be more than friends, and she pushes back again; he asks if it would bother her if he dated other girls, and she lies and says no.

Kaylie’s progressing on her vault work, but she’s not bad ass enough. He encourages her to bring it home with an increased difficulty level and asks Kaylie to let him in, let him help. “Something inside me wants the best for you,” he says. It’s so sweet. Who ever thought Austin would turn out to be the softie? Except he’s not that soft, because Austin’s allergic to dogs and won’t let Max keep him at their place (they live together? News to me). Payson’s going to take him home and beg the folks to let her keep Phoebe, but since Mark didn’t get that new job, they’ll probably say no. The Keeler’s are scared; how are they going to live in Boulder and support their kids’ gymanstics with him out of work?

Payson accidentally freaks Kaylie out by talking about how Tessa has a new skill on beam. Kaylie’s less and less certain about their “all vault, all the time” plan every passing second. Lauren sees Payson and Max conspiring over Phoebe and Kelly sees her chance to put some cracks into the foundation by making lewd comments about Carter. Lauren somehow interprets this as a reason to invite Max to play basketball? When he shows up to play with Lauren, she’s wearing a ridiculous basketball outfit. “Shirts or skins?” he asks her. GROSS I HATE YOU. Lauren opts for shirts and he takes his off, ignoring a call from Payson.

Lauren is, against all odds, a good basketball player? There’s a lot of sweating and touching in this scene. It’s hella yuck. They almost kiss, but Lauren stops him, insisting that he take her out on a date. Montage! Kaylie works on her new vault. She’s getting better, but Kelly and Tessa are there to undermine her. Kaylie betrays Austin’s secret vault plan to Payson, who disapproves, of course. The mini-meet begins.

Tessa kills on beam. Annie does nicely on vault (Annie is the other girl). Tessa kills on bars. Kaylie comes clean about not doing any apparatus except vault. Sasha feels betrayed by Austin, who insists that it’s not a surprise, it’s a strategy. Kaylie KILLS her vault. Kathy Najimy frowns as much as the Botox will allow. Sasha looks like he feels a little duped, but he gives the Worlds spot to Kaylie anyway. She thanks Austin and you can almost see the sparks.

Mama and Papa Keeler discuss Phoebe. It turns out that they had a dog once, McGinty, who died; they always promised the girls they’d replace McGinty but never did. Kim laments the fact that she and Mark are more afraid now than they ever have been. “Circumstances made us poor, but we’re choosing to be scared,” she says. Man, the Keelers. They decide to adopt Phoebe after all.

Kelly’s momager rages at her for allowing Kaylie to get the Worlds spot. They decide to tell the press about Kaylie’s anorexia, although Kelly points out that they can’t prove anything. Her momager puts everything on her shoulders, telling her that she failed, as Kaylie, having accidentally stumbled upon them, watches on. Kelly is devastated. Kathy Najimy drives off in the Kelly Parker bus without Kelly as her daughter cries. Kaylie comforts her, and Kelly reveals her soft underbelly–the pressure is getting to her. It’s real sad.

LOL. Max comes over to say goodbye to Phoebe, and Payson lays it on real thick about how the shelter is nearby, so maybe they will run into her new owners every once in a while. Then Max notices the bed Payson bought for her and Payson’s all, “PSYCHE! My parents are letting me keep her!” She’s adorable. Max is honest with Payson about his date with Lauren, and she looks put out, but, hey, she told him she didn’t want to go out. Looks like they’re just friends for now. Kaylie has Kelly over to her house for dinner, and Kelly thanks her for listening. She doesn’t have any friends, and Kaylie pointedly tells her that she doesn’t think she could do what she does (gymnastics) without her friends. The words seem to hit home with Kelly.  But when Kaylie leaves the room to set an extra place, Kelly goes through her stuff and finds the confession Kaylie wrote at the beginning of her recovery: My name is Kaylie Cruz and I’m anorexic. She takes the journal. Kelly, that’s not really proof, and also, your’e the worst.

Next week! WORLDS! The competition is fierce! And then my DVR cuts out. Oh well. Suspense!

THE KISS

Posted on May 13th, 2011 by annakjarzab

I just…I just…I can’t even…I’m getting so Ramotional about this long-awaited moment of TV smooching. Aaaaaand I don’t actually care how pathetic this makes me sound.

First of all, if you’re not watching Parks and Recreation, you should be. I know the first season is rough, but the last season of the show (the third season) has been absolute perfection (season two is also good, especially the end, when we meet Ben and Chris). The thing about Parks and Rec is that it does what no TV show has been able to do in a long time–be funny without being cynical. It’s also got a kick-ass love story going on right now, which is the most important thing to me in all forms of narratives, because I am an ENORMOUS softie and romantic despite struggling desperately against such leanings, but there you go. Ben (Adam Scott, new to the cast at the end of season two, along with Rob Lowe) and Leslie (Amy Poehler) have been falling in love with each other for an entire season of the show now, but the writers have been so careful to restrain themselves. Ben and Leslie have a Mulder/Scully vibe about them–they’re coworkers and friends (actually, when Ben arrived in Pawnee they were sort of enemies, but their friendship has blossomed over the course of twenty-some episodes), and because of the fact that Ben is technically Leslie’s boss now (?? I don’t actually understand the reporting structure in the Pawnee Parks Department), they’re not allowed to date. But they still really like each other, to the point where neither of them is very interested in dating other people, and finally–FINALLY–at the end of the last episode, they kissed. How will this affect their working relationship? Will they date in secret? WHO KNOWS? Right now, it’s just awesome. Enjoy it, friends. Enjoy it.

 

The dead girl on the cover

Posted on May 13th, 2011 by annakjarzab

Recently, I was talking to an editor (not my editor), and she was telling me that she was using the cover of All Unquiet Things as a comp title for the art form for one of her upcoming books. She was saying that the cover of AUT is the perfect direction for this title also, and, not having read it yet but knowing a little bit about it, that makes sense to me. But she was also saying that now, a year post-AUT and post-Before I Fall, you can’t really do the “dead girl laying sideways on the grass” thing anymore. It’s just too common, probably because the “dead girl” trope in YA lit is also common. It’s something I hear people complaining about a lot on blogs, actually, sometimes in reviews of AUT. “Oh, another dead girl book, how original.” Setting aside the fact that nothing is really original anymore, and hasn’t been since the ancient Greeks, and we’re all telling the same five stories over and over again anyway, it’s true. You do see a lot of dead girl (and, I would argue, dead boy) books in YA lit. (You see them a lot in adult lit, too, but let’s focus.) And there’s a reason for that.

People die in high school.

All of the time.

Recently I was having dinner with three of my friends, and one of them (my roommate) mentioned that a friend of a friend had recently died. My roommate’s birthday was several months ago, and she’d bought a pretty, blank notebook and brought it with her to the party for her friends to write notes in, since it was her 30th and she wanted a tangible reminder of that night. This friend of a friend had come to the party and wrote in the notebook and a few days ago she’d been going through the notebook looking for a gift card she remembered leaving in there and came across the friend of a friend’s note. This reminded me of going through my junior high school yearbook in which there is a note from my friend Rebecca, who died about a week after she wrote it, right before finals week. I was moving to California, and she wrote, “Don’t forget me!” I haven’t looked at the yearbook in a long time.

The conversation segued on to the (slightly morbid) topic of people we knew who died in high school, and everyone had a story to tell. Some had several. I couldn’t help thinking of my aunt, whose best friend died from illness when she was fifteen, or my brother, whose baseball teammate had died in a car accident when he was fifteen. One of my friends knew several girls in high school who lost their lives to violence. As common a trope as it is in YA, it’s actually more common in life. If you’ve listened to the exclusive interview on the All Unquiet Things audio book, I think (I recorded that a loooong time ago) I mentioned that about a year before AUT was published (way after I’d written the thing) I was doing some Googling around and found out that a murder not unlike Carly’s had happened in one of the very towns I mention in the novel. It was, of course, entirely coincidental and completely heartbreaking. But this stuff happens, every day in fact, which is why we write about it. That was very clearly driven home to me at dinner with my friends.

And the thing about teenage death is that, while it is never, ever easy to lose someone who is close to you, or even to tangentially experience the death of someone in your peer group, everything is heightened in high school. It all seems more immediate and intense and of-the-moment, because you’re so young and you’re so promising and you’re so alive. Not to quote myself, but allow me to quote myself:

“Murdered.” It was a ludicrous word; it didn’t make any sense when used to describe Carly. How could Carly be dead? She was so alive.

Poetry, I know. But anyway. That stuff sticks with you long after you’ve graduated, when your life is nothing like what it was in high school, when your life is not anything like you even imagined it might be in high school. When other memories have faded, or you feel like all those events happened to someone else whose memories were implanted in your head (this is how I feel all the time about my high school years, for no particular reason), you still remember your deepest losses and brushes with death. And they still come up, years later, over glasses of chilled wine on the patio of a tiny bar in Hell’s Kitchen.

I guess I don’t have a very clear point to close out this post, which is probably pretty frustrating to everyone who managed to read through to the end (but! if you did! you can use the comment tool now! so you can comment! if you want! no pressure!!!), but I’m just saying…death is not a cliche. Or maybe it is, maybe it’s the biggest cliche there is, but that doesn’t make it less scary or less mysterious and it certainly doesn’t make people less inclined to talk about it.

I think people who follow the publishing industry find “dead girl/boy books” exhausting because they (the people, not the books) are jaded; there are so many books, and they all get lumped into categories because that’s the easiest way to process them. And I’m not saying I’m not jaded. I’m totally, 100% jaded! But I also know that All Unquiet Things and, say, Thirteen Reasons Why and Before I Fall and If I Stay (to use some random examples that I can speak to because I’ve read them) are completely different books. They all happen to have a dead girl in them (or, in the case of If I Stay and Before I Fall, girls who are neither dead or alive but in some sort of ‘tween state which eventually resolves itself), but other than that they’re not at all alike. The writing styles are totally different–my voice and Jay Asher’s voice and Gayle Forman’s voice and Lauren Oliver’s voice are all distinct–the characters are different, the plots are different, etc. I think saying, oh, just another dead girl book, is a disservice to all of those stories, because they’re so much bigger than that. And furthermore, I think teens like them (no joke: Thirteen Reasons Why, Before I Fall, If I Stay–all HUGE bestsellers) because their themes are so relevant to the lives they’re living.

I, for one, am looking forward to more “dead girl” books, because I actually haven’t figured out how I feel about my own approaching death, or that of my loved ones (because obvs we all die eventually). Reading books and engaging with the ideas they contain is how I process my own fears and dreams and feelings. The work is not yet done. By anyone! I’m not just talking about YA fiction here. I just finished A Visit from the Goon Squad by Jennifer Egan (Pulitzer prize winner, current ladyfic lightning rod) which was ALL ABOUT death! (At least, I think it was. I’m not sure I totally plugged into Goon Squad and therefore may have slid over some of its Very Important I’m Sure themes.) There was even a dead girl (actually, he was a boy, but same diff in this context). Now I’m reading One Day and I’m pretty sure that one’s going to be all about death, too. All books are about death (talk about a cliche). Now I’m just spiraling away from my central point. End of post.

Make It or Break It: “To Thine Own Self Be True”

Posted on May 12th, 2011 by annakjarzab

Okay, are you ready for this, ladiez? This is the episode where we see the fall out from all of Emily’s hormonal pregnancy decisions that she’s probably regretting. Although, I’m not entirely convinced we’ll actually see Emily. I bet people will just talk about her a lot, since Chelsea Hobbs is off having her real life bebe. Congrats, I’m sure!

PREVIOUSLIES! Damon kissed Kaylie after telling her that she helped fix his writer’s block, which, first of all, LOL, but also, UGH DAMON I DON’T EVEN KNOW YOU ANYMORE. Damon, who five minutes ago was in luv with Emily 4 lyfe, sees no problem with the kissing of her friend the recovering anorexic who is most definitely going through some capital-E Emotional Issues of her own, but Kaylie knows what it’s like to be cheated on, and with a good friend at that, so she confesses to Emily and promises she’s not going after Damon. But that doesn’t really matter because, unbeknownst to Kaylie, Emily was in a manic post-I’m-not-getting-an-abortion spiral and was packing her bags to move in with a stunned and not at all excited Damon; when she found out about the kiss between Kaylie and Damon, she got on the first bus to Las Vegas and it looks like nobody’s going after her. Rock on.

Kaylie’s super stressed out about returning to the Rock after Emily split because Kaylie whoopsed the beans about Damon. “This is all my fault,” she says, and Dr. Empathy, her shrink, is like, “What? That she had unprotected sex and got pregnant? Puh-lease girl. That’s someone’s fault, but it ain’t yours.” (Spoiler: Emily and Damon’s faults.) The Doc points out that she tried to act with integrity by telling Emily the truth (fact) and she’s not responsible for Emily’s choices (also fact). But Kaylie still feels shitty about it, which is only natural because she’s generally pretty cool, and she’s anxious because she realizes just how much she wants this gymnastics business.

Lauren and Payton cackle about the Rock being the number one gym in the country again. Why? Because Sasha is Worlds coach? I still don’t understand why A.) that even happened and B.) it was something they slipped in at the end of the last episode like, maybe if we have Kim announce this while the credits roll nobody will notice how improbable it is. Whatever. Anyway, Lauren is all into focusing on teamwork for about five secs before she notices Max from across the room and goes trotting over to him like a pony, her blond tail bobbing up and down like a buoy upon the ocean. Payson rolls her eyes as Austin approaches and without preamble demands to know if Emily is really pregnant. I think it’s sort of funny that Austin even knows who Emily is. Have they ever once spoken to each other? Payson denies Emily’s pregnancy and turns the spotlight on Kaylie’s return to the gym; Austin, easily distracted by shiny objects, says he supports Kaylie and goes off to oil his muscles or whatever Austin does to justify his presence at the Rock.

Kaylie returns to the gym and immediately asks about Emily; Payson tells her not to think about it. Instead, she should think about the awesome surprise bridal shower Lauren is throwing for Summer! Psyche, nobody cares except Lauren. It’s a bit early for a shower, is it not? They just got engaged the night before, I mean, if we’re following the timeline. Right? This is the day after Emily left? Or has time passed? Sometimes it’s hard to tell with this show. Speaking of Summer, she’s busy losing her mind around Sasha at every opportunity, manufacturing reasons to talk to him then panicking and babbling about nothing instead of doing what she wants to do, which is tell him that she’s engaged to Steve and beg him to talk her out of it by kissing her a lot in rapid succession. These two idiots being who they are, this will never take place. And UGH, Sasha says this when she tells him he deserves to be the Worlds coach: “Well, I’m not entirely sure I’m deserving of it, but I intend to be worthy of it.” Okay dude. We get it. You are a Stand Up Guy. You are Yoda. Stop it! You’re making it hard to believe you could ever be real.

Press conference! How is it that Kelly Parker always enters places to a bevy of flashing lightbulbs and people calling out her name, even when she’s just going into her own (new) gym? You think it’s just a manifestation of Lauren’s jealous subconscious? Anyway, Lauren calls her “Satan’s spawn”, which is pretty funny because obviously Lauren’s Satan’s spawn, but whatevs! Kelly’s brought another girl with her–Tessa. New character alert! I’m getting sick of new people, and this one has the same braided Mickey Mouse ear buns (is there a better way to describe them?) Kelly loves to sport. The girls spar verbally, and Kelly makes digs about Kaylie’s rehab for her “ACL tear” (read: eating disorder). Which is super fun until Sasha announces to the press that Kaylie won’t be competing at Worlds. Gulp. He’s running out of series regulars!

Kaylie’s not thrilled about being kicked off the World team, but Sasha’s all about playing it safe this time around. The other girls are going apoplectic about it, but Kaylie decides to let go and let God–er, Sasha. She trusts his judgment and will do what he says. “My recovery depends on accepting that I can’t always be objective about myself,” Kaylie tells them. Wow. She has learned stuff! Teach some of this awesome wisdom to Damon when next you see him, won’t you?

Kelly Parker gives Sasha the what’s what about how she’s a star and she’ll be team captain and she’ll be speaking for the team whenever there are interviews and oh btw you should put Tessa on the Worlds team kthanxbai. Sasha is all “O rly?” and tells her that none of that will be happening, shut up. So she takes a dig by reminding him that his leave of absence coincided awfully well with Emily’s fall from grace, which leaves him with something to think about, since though Sasha has many gifts he is not impervious to the manipulations of twelve-year-old girls with Mickey Mouse bun braids.

The boys practice. That’s right, they’re gymnasts, too! I forget sometimes. Max grills Austin about Payson, going on about how she runs hot and cold with him. Dude still doesn’t know she’s seen the half-naked pics of Lauren, but come on, meathead, figure it out! Payson’s not the type to dissolve into hysterics at every little thing. She’s the type to shut down when her vulnerability is compromised by sleazy losers, of which type you surely are one. Austin just says that Payson’s the kind of girl you actually have to try with, unlike Lauren. He advises that Max actually give Payson a reason to like him. Austin is quickly becoming the moral compass of this show, which, OMG, the ice rink in hell is finally open.

This next part sort of confuses me. Sasha gives a speech about how he’s going to choose who’s going to Worlds in Kaylie’s spot. Everybody’s competing for the spot, except “those of you who are already on the Worlds team”. Well, that’s Lauren AND Payson, is it not? So why do they have to audition? Payson balks at the list of compulsory moves Sasha hands them, but he’s not budging. He also holds Emily up as an example of someone who couldn’t focus or do things Sasha’s way, so she had to go. Wow, Sasha. Way to use Emily’s personal tragedy to scare the other girls into cooperating! He really is Eastern European.

Austin finds Kaylie outside. She’s bummed because she won’t be training with the other girls, and he’s come to comfort her. She doesn’t like it, but she’s going to do it Sasha’s way. Good idea. Lauren’s going full-bridal on Summer, who’s more than a little weirded out by the whole thing. You can always back out, Summer! “Where’s my ring?” Lauren asks when she sees Summer isn’t wearing her engagement ring. Lauren, stop being so creepy. Summer also doesn’t want a shower, so of course Lauren continues inviting people to that ill-advised shower Lauren is throwing her, even going so far as to move up the date of the shower for absolutely no reason.

Kaylie goes home to the recording studio and sees Damon’s there. Kaylie (rightly) reams him out for not being with Emily, and he tries to defend himself but ends up sounding like MORE of a douchebag, IF THAT IS EVEN POSSIBLE. Kaylie tells him that Emily left town because Kaylie told her about their kiss, even though it didn’t mean anything and–“Wait, it didn’t mean anything?” Damon interrupts. Excuse my gif, but:

That’s your sticking point here, dude? Your pregnant ex-girlfriend has run off and isn’t answering your calls and you’re upset because Kaylie’s not falling into your arms swooning after one stupid kiss? YOU ARE THE WORST! “You do want to know where she is, don’t you?” Kaylie asks. Damon doesn’t respond. Oh my God. I’ve never before felt so much blind hatred for a character I used to love.

Max joins Payson (uninvited) on her morning run. He claims it’s a coincidence, but she points out that she told him she runs that route at exactly that time every day. She’s calling you a stalker, Max. Payson gives him the brush off, telling him to feel free to date Lauren but leave her (Payson) out of it. Then she runs off, leaving Max aching with embarrassment and sadfaces in her dust. What a woman. Kaylie’s on the balance beam, and Sasha reams her out for practicing skills when he explicitly told her not to. Payson comes to her defense, and Sasha (rightly) tells her to bug off. I mean, I love you, Payson, but you’re not his wife, or anybody’s mom. You’re a gymnast just like everybody else. Stop butting in where you don’t belong. Summer and Kim discuss the engagement and Kim calls her on avoiding announcing the engagement so as to not have to talk to Sasha about it. Knowing Sasha, he’ll pretend not to care, so whatever.

Damon shows up at Casa de Kmetko and Chloe makes the mistake of letting him in. First of all, we finally find out how the hell old Damon is–nineteen. WHERE ARE HIS PARENTS? I’ve been asking this since we first met him. I’m sure we’ll never get an answer to that, but at least now we know his age. Okay, so Chloe makes some excellent points about the fact that her daughter is pregnant because dumb ass Damon didn’t use protection. “I feel terrible about that,” he says, and she’s all, SO GLAD ALL IS FORGIVEN PSYCHE I HATE YOU. He makes some pretty salient points about the fact that Emily has pushed and pulled him since the day that they met and the minute he stopped letting her jerk him around she started talking about how being teen parents was going to solve all their problems. Chloe points out that Emily has made her choice, without reference to Damon, and now it’s Damon’s turn to decide what he’s going to do. I actually want to cry. I think Damon is being a horrible asshole right now, because he is complicit in the awful mess of his relationship with Emily, but I also feel super bad for him and Chloe in this moment, and especially Emily, who regardless of how whiny and annoying she can be is basically young and good and lonely and afraid. I think it was a bad move to leave her mother (I know they had to have a reason for Chelsea Hobbs not to be around for a while because of her own childbearing situation, but still), because she needs Chloe right now. And she needs Damon, too.

Kelly berates Tessa for messing up her bars, and Kaylie is there to help the new girl, at which Payson looks on in…admiration? Oh, wait, she’s annoyed. Stop pushing her, Payson! Although, she makes a good point that Kaylie needs to trust herself. Then Damon shows up and Kelly Parker says what we’re all thinking: “Wow, what a tool.” She also throws a cherry bomb at Austin by implying that Damon knocked up Emily and now he’s going for Kaylie, which, as you might imagine, freaks Austin out. Why is Damon wearing a purple leather jacket? He thanks her “for everything” (what?) and for helping him believe in himself again. Then Austin punches him! Damon limps off and Kaylie rips into Austin for projecting all his sadfaces about his sister onto her and not letting her take care of her own problems. She then channels all this self-righteous aggression into blatantly disobeying Sasha’s orders not to practice.

Lauren, Kaylie and Payson have a Laguna Beach-type convo at a juice bar (?) and strategize about how Kaylie’s going to get her groove back (at the gym, at night, when Sasha’s not there; well, if Emily and Damon can do it, then these three brain trusts can probably pull it off). On the wall of the juice bar (still so many ??s) Lauren sees a photograph of Payson practicing gymnastics–it’s beautiful, and it’s Max’s, and it’s titled “The Real Deal.” Lauren giggles–shouldn’t she be upset by this? Training montage to Superchick’s “Cross the Line”! There is a Superchick song in every episode of this show. Make It or Break It keeps Superchick in business.

Max wants to know if Payson saw the photo, and she denies it, but then Lauren tells him Payson did but didn’t appreciate it. He’s back to square one with Ms. Keeler. Maybe he should just tell her that he really likes her and he regrets all that weird shit with Lauren because he’s not at all interested? That’s what I’d want to hear if I was Payson. Austin comes up to Kaylie and apologizes for the anorexic-sister-projecting he’s been doing. He promises to support her, and Payson proposes he come help them practice after hours. Tessa overhears this and tells Kelly, who tells Sasha under the guise of fearing for Kaylie, which is, of course, bullshit.

More midnight training. The three girls plus Austin and Max are there. Kaylie nails her beam compulsories. They take five for Kaylie to grab water and Max confronts Payson about lying about seeing the photo. Well, Max, here’s the thing; you took that photo without her knowledge and hung it on the wall of a restaurant without her permission and are apparently selling it (??), so I don’t think you’re in any position to make her feel bad about “lying about seeing it.” That’s not a thing. Sasha comes in before she can tell him off. He’s pissed, of course, and tells Kaylie no, she can’t have a chance to prove herself, but the boys stand in the way of him leaving and he agrees to “see one apparatus.” Kaylie chooses the bars and nails it, but Sasha’s not convinced that she’s emotionally ready for the pressure, so he still says no.

Casa de Keeler. Payson’s anxious about “losing Emily” and now “losing Kaylie”–she feels as though it’s her responsibility to help people to believe in themselves. That’s the coach in her. You’re awesome, Pay. But also this is a little misguided, as she can’t take on the burden of getting everybody to the Olympics, including herself. Kim and Payson giggle over the picture at the juice bar (SO MANY???S) until things get serious (as they often do around Payson) and she tells her mother that liking a boy and having sex–all that stuff means giving up on gymnastics, as evidenced by Emily. Kim puts the kibosh on that real quick, reminding her that she’s not Emily. Over in the less functional mother-daughter land, Lauren is choosing Summer’s wedding dress. And she also wants Summer to adopt her. Summer, who is dumb when it comes to Lauren, says yes, she’d love to adopt her. Good luck with your hell, Summer, esp. considering that you don’t even WANT to marry Steve!

Meanwhile, Sasha is consulting Kaylie’s psychiatrist. Is that even allowed? What about doctor-patient confidentiality? Turns out Doc Empathy asked Sasha to come, because he wants to convince Sasha to let Kaylie compete at Worlds. Really? I don’t think so, but okay. He counsels Sasha to ask himself whether he’s worried about Kaylie, or he’s punishing her (and thus himself), but Sasha refuses to be analyzed and walks out. At the gym, Kelly Parker reveals her villainry and blah blah blah…I find her very boring. Sasha’s bringing Kaylie to Worlds after all! What? Fine. Just forget the logic and go with it.

Payson walks out with Max and apologizes for nothing. “I know I’m pretty, blah blah blah. I just don’t know what you want,” Payson tells him. God I love her. He wants her to know that it’s HER he’s interested in, not Lauren, but if she doesn’t like him then it’s cool. Of course she likes him. She wouldn’t even be speaking to him if she didn’t, because Payson Keeler don’t suffer no fools. And because of that, she tells him that she can’t get wrapped up in someone else and put her gymnastics at risk. Max gets it, as he should because he is also an elite gymnast. He’s not just a dirty picture taker! EXCEPT THEN LAUREN KISSES HIM AND HE KISSES HER BACK I HATE YOU SO MUCH MAX ARGGGGHHHHH!

Last scene of the ep (long recap, no?). Summer comes to say goodbye to Sasha. He’s shirtless and doing pushups on the parallel bars. Who could concentrate? Not Summer. She tells him she’s engaged to Steve and of course he plays it like he doesn’t care. That’s not how you get the girl, Sasha! J/k, not the last scene. Summer comes home to Steve’s place and puts her engagement ring on. She walks into the living room to find her surprise bridal shower waiting for her. Wah. End of ep.

Next week: Kaylie fights to prove herself (don’t call it a comeback!). Lots of shocked gasps, etc.!

Things that are brand new!

Posted on May 10th, 2011 by annakjarzab

Okay, so big news–Eric was able to fix the comment tool! For now I’m still going to moderate, so if your comment doesn’t show up right away, don’t worry. I’ll probably take it off moderation eventually, but since it’s a new tool I’m going to try it out like that for now. And you guys aren’t seeing what I’m seeing, but the back end of my website is all slick and shiny and updated. I logged in (after being locked out for a little while, as you may have noticed if you follow me on Twitter) and was literally like, “Whoaaaa.”

Other things that are new: the All Unquiet Things paperback! It went on sale today, and you can get it…well, you can definitely get it online in a bunch of places, but also I think at the chains? I’m not sure yet because I haven’t gone in to check, but you can probably get it at Barnes & Noble, Borders, Books a Million…basically any place that stocked the hardcover. And the paperback has a new cover! Okay, so it’s only slightly new. The photograph of Carly no longer wraps around, and it has a lovely blurb on the front from Nancy Werlin, New York Times bestselling author of Impossible!

Otherwise the cover is the same. I can personally attest that the paperback looks great in person. My editor sent me one, which I then stupidly mailed directly to my parents (where they can add it to what my siblings derisively call the “shrine to Anna” in their office, where two hardcovers plus the galley of AUT are on display) before taking a picture, so I guess you’ll just have to imagine what it looks like. It basically looks like a paperback, but with the above cover on it. When I get my author copies I’ll give some away on Goodreads, to spread the love a little.

Third new thing: the anti-Kindle policy at Yankee Stadium. I’m going to the Yankees v. Royals game tonight and my friend Nikki emailed this morning to warn me not to bring my Kindle–last time she went to a game, she saw a man and his daughter prevented from entering the stadium because she had her Kindle in her bag. What am I supposed to read on the train now? J/k, of course I always carry a real flesh and blood book with me, I’m not a robot! But I have a bunch of fun manuscripts for work on my Kindle that I was hoping to get a jump start on. Boo, hiss, Yankee Stadium! I think they’re just being ornery. I really cannot think of a single reason why they wouldn’t allow you to bring a Kindle into the stadium. It does less than an iPhone! It literally does only one thing. Mysteries.

For those of you who actually read my Make It or Break It recaps, I’ll have one for you today or tomorrow. I will say this about MIOBI–if that’s really how they’re going to leave Damon and Emily forever (not sure if Chelsea Hobbs is returning post-having her actual baby), they did a really terrible job of wrapping up that storyline, because at this moment I totally hate Damon after loving him for two seasons. I’m sure that’s not what they want, so I’m hoping the couple will be back.

Make It or Break It: “Requiem for a Dream”

Posted on May 3rd, 2011 by annakjarzab

So who’s ready for some Emily pregnancy dramz? But first, a gift. Or, should I say, a gif.

Remember when I said last week that I was hoping someone would make a gif of Payson’s expression when Lauren said that obnox thing about “Payson’s boyfriend” aka Max aka you might as well just fire that guy because I’m never going to like him now and he’s not good enough for Payson? Well, my friend Mardie made one. Because she’s cool like that. Imagine that being my expression last night while watching the news about Osama bin Ladin.

Okay! Previouslies: Sasha + Payson + video camera + Lauren = THE WORST. Everyone’s still feeling the burn from last season’s impromptu kiss caught on tape, even though it was almost completely innocent and not in any way Sasha’s fault. Lauren’s confessed her wrongdoing to her father, but she still hasn’t been forced to take responsibility. But Sasha’s back, so it sort of doesn’t matter? Kaylie’s had some emotional breakthroughs with Damon’s help, and a jealous Emily broke up with him. Then she found out she was pregnant with his baby! OMG.

Emily and Chloe at the doctor’s office–she’s six weeks along. “I can’t believe it? How did this happen?” Emily asks. Doc Obvious asks, “Did you use protection? That’s how it happened.” I like Doc Obvious. If she’d just come around a little earlier, she could’ve given Emily a what’s-what about her gymnastics that might’ve made her less completely awful. It also comes up that Emily’s only had one period ever in her whole life. And she’s seventeen. That solves that mystery, although doesn’t explain why she looks 27. Oh, because the actress is 27. RIGHT. Chloe explains to Doc Obvious that ladies who are gymnasts don’t get periods. Doc Obvious gives Em pamphlets on keeping the baby, giving it up for adoption, and terminating it, but tells her that until she makes a decision, no gymnastics. Chloe is NOT pleased, and I don’t blame her.

Sasha’s back! And he’s riding a motorcycle! What happened to the motor home? He walks in on Summer organizing a big PR thing for the girls that’s going to be televised, I guess. Sasha doesn’t want it to happen; he’s freaked out about Emily and carrying her secret all by himself, and he’s jittery about the girls given their defeat at the hands of the Russian team in Hungary. But Summer insists, and Emily shows up anyway and is in total denial. I’m confused about why they’re all acting like Emily’s World team status is still undecided–didn’t that World team coach say he was deep sixing her in favor of Kelly Parker? Didn’t that JUST HAPPEN last week?

Kaylie and Damon in the Cruz’s recording studio. Damon’s dumb record label loved the song Kaylie wrote and want Damon and Kaylie to record it together for Damon’s first single (“Yeah right” – everybody who’s ever listened to music). The recording label says that she has a “heartbreakingly pure voice.” LOL! “We have something hot going,” Damon says. “AS A DUO.” Back at the Rock, the reporter is grilling Em on why she deserves to be on the World team and Payson comes to her defense. Pressure’s on, Em! “Yes, yes it is,” Emily says. “But I can do it.” Oh, that’s a change of tune. Figures she’d pick now to be confident in her gymnastics.

Sasha assumes this means that Emily is terminating her pregnancy, but she hasn’t settled on that. Sasha says that she has to make the decision herself, but she has to make it fast. She’s waiting until she finds out if she’s really going to Worlds which…makes a little bit of bizarre sense? On an entirely different subject, how weird is it that John Krasinski is in Something Borrowed but he’s not the love interest? I don’t get that at all.

Woof, Kaylie, you cannot sing. Damon must be falling in love with her, there is no other way to explain how he can’t see that. I mean, hear it! “You’re helping me realize that I can do something else with my life other than gymnastics,” Kaylie says. Um, so we have Kaylie gone from gymnastics and seriously contemplating never coming back, we have Emily pregnant and probably having to sit out a year (if not all the years–being a mother is a huge responsibility!)…that’s half the team! Payson cannot carry the burden of this entire show on her shoulders, especially without a love interest, and I will NOT watch Lauren TV every Monday, I will NOT.

I will also not stand for Damon giving up on Emily like this. I’m not saying he shouldn’t, I’m just saying that it’s out of character. It would make more sense for Kaylie to latch onto him and manufacture some kind of romance out of the situation and for him to push back, not ready to move on from Emily–it makes NO sense, given what we know of Damon, that he would be like, “Meh, ok, moving on.”

Lauren, unsettled by Sasha’s return, encourages (browbeats) her father to propose to Summer so that Sasha can’t swoop in and snatch her back up. He, of course, is like, “I think you’re right.” It’s sad how much of Lauren’s puppet Steve is. Over at Casa de Kmetko, Emily’s in yet another strop with her mother. Chloe’s just trying to relate to her, saying that she understands because she was a pregnant teenager, too. “After fighting it my entire life, I ended up just like you,” Emily says, AS IF THAT’S NOT HER FAULT. Chloe brings up abortion and Emily wants to know if Chloe–who had Emily even though it meant being a teen mom–is okay with it. Chloe says she is, but Emily’s not sure if it’s morally right.  Surprisingly, Emily hasn’t told Damon, and Chloe tells her she doesn’t have to tell him.

Steve does a whole proposal schtick and asks Summer to marry him, but she needs to think about it. Not the answer Lauren was expecting. Chloe and Sasha talk about Emily, and how she’s not dealing with it. Sasha shoots down the suggestion that Emily can have the baby and then come back to gymnastics; once her body changes, that’s it. “She’s one of those girls who thinks she can have it her way all the time,” Sasha says. “This time she can’t.” Sasha doubts Emily’s ability to go all the way in gymnastics anyway, so he won’t tell her what to do.

Kaylie’s therapy session. SNOOOOOORE. Next. I hate this plotline so much. Oh, wait, therapist is giving Kaylie the go ahead to start training again if she wants. BUT DOES SHE WANT? No. She wants to sing bad songs and make out with Damon.

Lauren’s having a hard time at the gym and Sasha thinks it’s pyschological, but since she won’t admit to having anything on her mind, he suggests extra training to fix the problem. She balks at spending time alone with him at the gym, and he assures her that nothing untoward happened between him and Payson. I’m a little confused here…is Lauren doing this just to be mean to Sasha, or is she genuinely skeeved by him? I’m guessing she’s going to use it to manipulate Summer into turning away from Sasha and towards Steve, because that’s what she does every time.

Summer and Kim talk about Steve’s proposal, and I was going to skip over this, but the conversation is a little too weird not to talk about. “Lauren needs a mother, and I know it’s me, I can feel it in my bones,” Summer says. JIGGA WHAT? Seriously? Girl, do not get it twisted–this is your life. Lauren doesn’t need a mother, she needs a shrink, girlfriend is a straight up sociopath. Marry Sasha, have beautiful blond half-Romanian bebes with him, and just FORGET LAUREN ALREADY GOSH. “Even if I did still have feelings for Sasha, he doesn’t share my values.” Um, what values would those be? Not having sex before marriage? You were the one who tried to have sex with him and he pushed you away! He’s not a Christian, but so what? Neither is Steve! And neither is Lauren; she plays for the other team, and by that I mean Hell. Kim advises her to lay it all on the line with Sasha and see what he says. Yeah, Summer’s really the type to just throw spaghetti against the wall and see what sticks.

Emily and Payson have a patently insane conversation where Emily asks if Payson’s BROKEN BACK ever feels like “just a blip.” Payson’s like, “Bitch, it was the biggest test of my life, TRUST.” Emily, you are not going to get out of this so easily! Stop effing around, make a choice, and deal with the consequences. I like that Emily is hanging out at the gym, conspicuously not working out. Simon Tam walks in and tells her that she’s officially on the World team again. Seriously, show? For real this time? I thought that she was on the World team when she EARNED A SPOT ON THE WORLD TEAM. Emily, of course, runs out of the gym. Because that’s normal. Payson follows her out and Emily confesses about her pregnancy. “How could you do this? You’re not stupid!” Uh, Payson, yes she is. Payson full on yells at her about how the rules are there to protect them, but Emily turns it around and is like, thanks for the support. Payson’s like, OH NO YOU DO NOT MAKE ME THE BAD GUY. She points out that Emily was never serious about her gymnastics, and everybody keeps giving her chances and she keeps screwing up. Emily rightly points out that she’s not special, that people just keep giving her breaks and nothing she’s got has actually been earned. Wow, a rare moment of clarity. Shouldn’t last long, don’t worry. “I know it’s hard, but you’ve got to stay mentally tough here.” Payson’s the best. Emily’s all, maybe this is a sign I should just give up. I mean, yes, it is, but also, don’t force a baby to live with the weight of your cowardice, Emily! You know she will resent the crap out of that child.

Summer’s getting it up to talk to Sasha about them, but then he drops the bomb on her about Emily, and she tells him to man up and give Emily some advice already. Seriously, if Payson and Summer and Kim teamed up, they could rule the world. Of course Summer assumes Emily’s going to have the baby, but Sasha doesn’t want her to–he wants her to go to Worlds (even though she doesn’t deserve it) and the Olympics (even though she doesn’t deserve it). I wonder if this will make up Summer’s mind about Sasha and his values? Oh, wait, yes. She’s pissed. That doesn’t mean you have to marry Steve you moron! Ugh. Never mind. Kim and Payson can rule the world by themselves.

Also, this Kaylie singing thing has to STOP RIGHT NOW. Ugh, they just hugged. And kissed. GROSS GROSS GROSS GROSS GROSS. Damon’s all into it–“Emily and I are broken up now, it’s okay”–and Kaylie’s like, um, it’s not okay, she’s my friend. Damon, you spent two seasons of this show saying how you were going to love Emily to the end of the Earth, then you break up with her for like two days and you’re kissing her friend? You just lost ALL of my respect. There are no good men on this show except Sasha. Truly. Is that the message of the show? Men are the worst? Except the Romanian Olympic gold medalists?

Emily finally thanks Chloe for her support. DON’T LOOK NOW EMILY. Chloe has told Simon Tam (the NGO guy) that Emily is pregnant. Oh snap! He wants to help her. It’s happened before, they “took care of it”, and the gymnast went on to make the national team. Maybe I’m just dense or something, but I can’t tell what Emily’s going to do here. They’re doing a pretty good job of showing how she’s being pulled in a million different directions. And now things are even more complicated because Emily gets a sudden rush of paranoia–is something going on between Chloe and Simon Tam? I’d actually like to know that, too. I don’t blame Chloe if there is, he’s pretty hot. Emily decides that Damon will understand and support her even though nobody else possibly can. Woof. Chloe is getting desperate–she really does want Emily to have an abortion, you can see that in her reaction to Emily telling Damon about the pregnancy. I don’t blame her, but yeesh.

This is so intense. Chloe reminds Emily that lots of teen fathers ditch their babies and baby mamas, but Emily, who is totally spinning now, insists that Damon loves her and will be there for her and rushes off to see him. Eek. Can’t wait till she accidentally walks in on Kaylie finally giving in and making out with Damon. Should be AWESOME. She’ll probably have a miscarriage. I’m calling it now.

Lauren and Sasha are working on overcoming her case of the “twisties” (where her mind forces her body to add a twist to her routines out of fear of getting hurt) and she succeeds in beating it. When she realizes that Sasha really cares about helping her without any ulterior motive, she actually breaks down crying. Is that guilt I see dripping out of the corners of her eyes? She says that she never thought Sasha cared about her as a gymnast, that he always prioritized Kaylie, Payson, and even Emily above her. He said that he always thought she didn’t want to let him in. They hug it out. A surprisingly touching scene.

Damon is “playing guitar” in his apartment when there’s a knock on the door. Is it Emily or Kaylie? I think Kaylie. Emily will come later and catch them canoodling. Show, I thought you were better than that. Oh, wait, it actually is Emily. Damon gives her the brush off. “Emily, what are you doing here? You broke up with me, remember? You know, I’m kind of getting tired of this push/pull.” She asks if he meant it when he said he would wait till 2012 to be with her (you know, that’s just around the corner now, guys, let’s be for real here), that he would love her forever, and he’s all, “How many times are we going to go over this?” She does bust in on him a lot and give him the third degree about feelings he has already freely expressed to her. That’s gotta be annoying.

Emily tells him she’s pregnant. She’s manic about it. She’s like, we don’t have to wait, we can have the baby, we can have a family, I can come on tour with you, and meanwhile Damon is losing his MIND. Can you imagine? I bet he’s thinking, God, why did I ever think I wanted this? I mean, Damon made a good point last week about the weird tension in their relationship coming from Emily’s trust issues, not her gymnastics, but he’s also one of those guys who only wants what he can’t have! Now that she’s like, okay, this is real, let’s do this, he’s probably starting to realize he’s no longer interested. And that is WAY SAD YO. Poor Emily. I say that sincerely.

Damon deftly turns it around on her and is like, you’re really going to give up gymnastics? “What about your dream?” That’s, like, the show’s tagline. “My dream is killing me,” she says. “This is my way out. All I feel is relief.” She decides she’s going to go home and pack and she’s going to move in with Damon and they’re going to do the whole thing, and meanwhile he’s just reeling and not saying anything.  This is not good.

Lauren, finally realizing the harm she has done in nearly destroying the best coach ever, sends Ellen Beales the whole training cam video to clear Sasha’s name. What are the odds this’ll turn out poorly? At this point, everybody seems to be over that tape. I guess it could make Sasha eligible to be the World team coach. Kaylie and her mom have a little heart-to-heart, but I’m not sure what that gives Kaylie. Ohhhhh…she’s come to see Emily. As part of the whole honesty and integrity thing she learned in therapy, Kaylie admits she and Damon kissed but that she would never intentionally hurt her and it’s not going to become anything. Emily doesn’t respond, and Kaylie leaves, but as you can probably imagine it throws Em into a tailspin re: Damon.

Payson is reading a tabloid and lamenting the nation’s obsession with teen pregnancy, then she whoopses the secret about Emily. “We put up with so much crap from each other because we’re not just friends, we’re a team, and we go through the most grueling training together,” Payson explains. She feels let down by Emily, but Kim patiently points out to her that she’s not being much of a leader by villainizing Emily. Although, seriously! Payson’s right, Payson’s always right. But she’s not being super compassionate, which I guess was Kim’s point. FINE MOM.

The girls–Lauren, Kaylie and Payson–show up at Casa de Kmetko, but when Chloe answers the door she’s crying, and tells them Emily’s not there. She’s boarded a bus to Las Vegas, where she’s going to stay with her godmother. She’s having the baby. Oh man. You know, I give Emily a whole lot of grief, but I completely understand this turn of events and I’m brokenhearted for her about Damon. I loved him, too, girl. Even though most of the time I didn’t think you were very deserving of his unfailing support and encouragement, you don’t deserve to be deserted by him now. He’s having a real Adam Rove* moment here, and I’m just really disappointed.

Emily rides the bus and remembers the good times with her friends and family and gymnastics as “The Girl Who Broke In Two” plays. That’s actually on the Opposite of Hallelujah soundtrack! The Rock girls are at gymnastics camp. They talk about how nobody really understands what you go through as an elite gymnast except your team. Even Lauren agrees that Emily was a good enough gymnast (DEBATABLE) but she didn’t have the mental strength to do what was necessary to succeed at the sport. They look at the tree stump where the four of them carved their initials and the words “Olympics 2012” and they tear up over losing Emily. Kaylie decides that she’s not ready to give up on gymnastics yet.

What they don’t know is that their parents (plus Summer and Sasha) have followed them up there and are watching (sort of creepily) from the bushes while the girls mourn their lost friend (“It’s like a funeral,” Kim says) and reaffirm their goals. The parents finally crash the party with sleeping bags and tell them that Sasha is the new World coach. UM. TIMELINE MALFUNCTION. When did Lauren send that tape to the NGO, this afternoon? Sure. Fine, show.

Next week: The fallout from Emily’s decision. Damon’s not ready to be a father, Chloe doesn’t think Emily’s ready to be a mother. Damon comes to the Rock (I’m assuming to pursue Kaylie, what a JERK FACE) and Austin punches him, which should be GREAT. Also, shirtless Sasha.

*And by that I mean how in the second season of Joan of Arcadia, Adam Rove, Best Boyfriend Ever (TM), cheats on Joan when she won’t have sex with him. AS IF! This is why “nice guys come in last” is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. Even nice guys are only nice when you’re not interested. Once you’re head over heels in love with them, they do something awful to hurt you. This is the lesson that television has taught us.