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Posts Tagged ‘fashion commentary’

Grist for the Gossip Girl mill, these outfits

Posted on May 23rd, 2009 by annakjarzab

Ladies, let’s talk.


You look ridiculous.

Even you, Waldorf. You’re still by far my favorite, but what is that you’re wearing? It looks like a Special Agent Dana Scully cast-off from seasons one or two–season two! THAT’S HOW BAD IT IS–but sans pants. I can’t decide whether or not it would be worse if I found out you were wearing *gag* formal shorts underneath it. And those shoes, let’s face it, could kill someone. There is a reason why stilettos take their name from a type of dagger–a stabbing weapon, says Wikipedia. Your hair looks cute, though.

Abrams, let’s not front–you’re orange. And your hair looks like a badly kempt weave. Your dress is sorta cute, and so are your shoes, but your eyes are not focusing properly and we all know what that means! Dipping into Chuck Bass’ stash? You and Lily van der Woodsen Bart soon-to-be-Humphrey *barf* both. Shut it down. Set an example for little Jenny Humphrey.

Oh, wait, too late. Let’s review, Little J. Your hair is absurd, and has been for almost an entire season now. That is a mullet. I don’t care what you think it is, it is a mullet pure and simple–there is some business in the front and some party in the back, but it’s not a fun party.  Also, I did not know they made leather pajama bottoms with footsies. I see you cut the front part off of the footsies so that you could wear some pretty boring shoes. Good call. (Terrible call.) I know you’re going for the partially-dead, aloof look here, but mostly you look like a bitch. Wipe that snarl off your face. I don’t even know where to start with that shirt. Perhaps I’ll mention that it’s see-through? Okay, it’s see-through. And partially unbuttoned. And sort of off-kilter. And your black bra is showing. And a rosary is not jewelry. Have I covered everything? Oh, that shade of lipstick washes you out so much. Please stop wearing it ASAP.

SERENA VAN DER WOODSEN. A jumper? A JUMPER WITH SHORTS? I know you’re fashion-forward and have–how do I say this without being rude?–an eclectic style, but come on! The only thing I endorse about your outfit is the color. I love blue. At first I thought you’d gone barefoot, which would make sense considering you’re channeling your five-year-old self with that JUMPER, but no. Those are shoes the color of your skin. Whoops! Next time, turn the light on in the closet. Also, your hair looks cute, but it looks like you’re about to fall over drunk, and I, being Mother Superior, strongly diaspprove of imbibing before photo ops. Remember the term “drunk face” (college vocab word) and avoid it at all costs.